sigh

I recieved some news today, my mother called me sounding a bit upset, and my stomach dropped. My grandfather from my father side had died. Though i only met him once, he was the only grandfather i knew.i was six years old when i met him, the family had went to Puerto Rico for vacation. We spent i think about 2 days at his house...it was beautiful, it was on a house above the ground. There was a creek in the back yard, and the heat from the air would cover the enitre area.i remember playing cards with him, and when it was time to sleep, i didnt want to go.There was also a black out, and we walked outside in the night and he was telling us stories.Those are the only memories i have of him...and i hate myself for it.My father you can say "tried" keeping in contact with him, but my grandfather kept changing his number. I knew he was sick...i didnt know how sick...I cant blame my father fully, me and father barely speak. i dont blame my grandfather, he was sick. i blame myself for not trying to get in contact with him myself.i didnt get a chance to be a grandaugther, he didnt even get a chance to be a grandfather...our world never got connected...i barely knew him...and my emotions are out of whack.I feel like he died alone...like he felt that i never loved him....13 years ago i had my first and only moments with my grandfather.13 years ago i said i love you13 years ago i gave him a kiss on the cheek13 years ago i hugged him13 years ago i had a grandfather in reachnow hes only a memory...i wish i could go to puertorico...just to actually say goodbye...to acually tell him that he was loved...and that i was sorry for not being there...i am mix with emotions because i lost someone who i barey knew.now i am stuck with an empty feeling in my heart.RIP Abuelito <3